Because I can never miss a good opportunity to make a cocky and ass joke

Damn. You could literally buy roofies from this 1980s issue of hustlers. Rape culture much?

CATS

This store on east 14th is selling virgins…yeah right!!

Oh, hey, ya, you could just buy tweak from men’s porno mags in the 80s. The 80s were Fucking awesome.

To whatever marketing genius that thought brandishing a large sign that says “live high” over downtown Oakland: damn dude, you’re a little bit late to the party. We been high for decades!!

This kinda explains why everybody from the past is so grouchy all the time, not because they’re old, but because in 1959, the clitoris was somehow proclaimed as a “woman’s hidden sex organ.” People from the 50’s don’t know how to fuck.

Woah. Just, woah. So, basically, what this ad for an x-rated watch is telling me is: what was the point of inventing the iphone. Steve Jobs, RIP, much love, but, come on, how much trouble did you go through to invent something that accomplished the 2 most important objectives of the iphone (namely, porn and music, but also knowing what time it is can be nifty). And this - holy shit, this is a watch. Which means it’s already half the size of an iphone, and seeing as it comes with a sturdy fastening mechanism that ensures you will probably never drop your better-than-an-iphone-porn-watch, well, my god, we have a winner. Who is the inventor of this? Why don’t I know his name? Is he rich? He sure as hell should be. And it only cost $39.95?? Adjusted for inflation, still cheaper than an iphone. I’m totally freaking out right now, guys, because I’ve decided that it is now my life’s mission to find one of these proto-iphones and hermetically seal it in some sort of display box for future generations to laud and admire. Fuck an iphone. Sex watch for life.

KEVIN OCONNOR MEME